


Hidden Hurts

by Aaronna



Series: Incomplete Merlin Stories [4]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hiding in Plain Sight, Hurt/Comfort, Incomplete, Merlin!whump, Morning Sickness, Open permission to finish the story, Past Rape/Non-con, Physical Abuse, Rape Aftermath, Read at Your Own Risk, Unplanned Pregnancy, cliffhanger-y, fem!merlin, just link this story in the inspired by box, merlin is a girl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-13 21:20:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29408268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aaronna/pseuds/Aaronna
Summary: Part 4 of my Incomplete Merlin Stories collectionMerlin was accused of magic and thrown in the dungeon where she was beaten and punished by Him. Now her magic was gone, protecting His child growing inside of her.
Relationships: Elyan & Merlin (Merlin), Gwaine & Merlin (Merlin), Merlin & Percival (Merlin), Merlin (Merlin)/Original Male Character(s)
Series: Incomplete Merlin Stories [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2160225
Comments: 4
Kudos: 24





	Hidden Hurts

Merlin couldn’t understand how it had happened. She had been in some dire situations before, but this was the one that hit her the hardest. Even poisoning Morgana, burying Freya, or losing Lancelot hadn’t hurt this bad emotionally and she would rather the physical pain of a serket sting than the ones in her throat and abdomen. She had no one to turn to either. Arthur, Gwen, the knights, they all hate her now. Gaius had been off helping a border village with an outbreak of sweating sickness. Gwaine, the only friend she had left, was off on a patrol, but he would hate her just as much as the others when he found out.

She was defenseless in the dungeon, because with her magic gone, she was trapped without a hope for escape. She had stayed, at first, to prove her devotion to her King and to Camelot, but then He had ‘punished’ her. Now, she was locked in the cold and damp, without the one thing she had always been able to count on. All because she had allowed Him to rape her rather than use her power to hurt him and prove just how dangerous she really was. She knew her magic was being channeled, without her consent, to protecting the spark of life now growing inside of her.

She had been locked away for nearly a month now, and had only received a single meal of bread and water a day. No one but Him had come to see her and the guards kept their distance and had not even tried to stop Him from doing what he had to her. And what had she done to deserve such a fate? She didn’t even know. All she knew was that she had been on her way to collect Arthur’s breakfast from the kitchens when Arthur, who must have been dressed by Gwen, Leon, Elyan, Percival, and a handful of guards had arrested her for the use of magic.

Arthur and the knights hadn’t even been able to look her in the eye. She just stared in shock at the four of them as she was drug off, watching the obvious signs of anger on their faces and in their movements. She would never forget the look of betrayal and fury on the Queen’s face as they locked eyes as she was drug past her in the corridor. 

She was just laying there, too weak to even get up after her last visit from Him, the bare minimum of food, and the child growing in her, draining what little energy she gained from the meal. When she heard the boots ringing on the stone stairs, she shivered involuntarily. Either He was back for a second round, she was going to get a second meal for the first time since she was thrown in her cell, or someone was coming to take her to the pyre. She couldn’t think of a fourth option. And she was really hoping it was the second option.

She recognized the boots as soon as she saw them, and that made her heart drop. Of all the people to lead her to her death, Gwaine was the last person she wanted. When his face came into view, she saw the anger glowing there in the light of the torch. She wanted to hide in the back corner of her cell, but she barely had the energy to sit up before the light revealed her to her friend.

She was confused when the anger on his rugged face faded and was replaced with shock. She let her eyes fall to her body for the first time in over a fortnight. She has always been slim, almost thin, but not quite. Now, she was nearly skeletal. She was covered in bruises, a number of bodily fluids, and dirt. Her clothing was ripped and torn from all His groping and beating. She must be a sight he wasn’t expecting.

“Merlin… I… Did. Did Arthur do this to you? Beat you?” His voice sounded scared and hurt. It surprised her.

She wanted to defend her King, her Destiny, but her voice was gone, just like her magic. She had screamed too much and hadn’t had a drink since hours before He had come for her daily punishment. So she shook her head.

Sadly, the movement made her head spin and she nearly fell over. She was still trying to steady herself, she heard the rusty door of her cell shriek in protest as it opened. She flinched at the sound, having mentally associated with His arrival.

“Hey, hey. Shhh… It is alright. I am not going to hurt you Merlin. Hey, it's alright.” She flinched violently and fell when she felt Gwaine’s hand brushed her arm.

In her heart, she knew he would never hurt her like that. He would give her a clean death before he would even think about forcing himself on her. He always referred to her as the little sister of their group, and Gwaine took family seriously.

“Gods Merlin… I didn’t… Hey. Can I help you sit up? Please Merls?” He sounded on the verge of tears.

Merl? Did that mean he wasn’t here to take her to the pyre or even to tell her how undeserving she was of his trust, especially after he had told her about his father. Was he going to help her like she had Freya? Was he going to take her away from the pain and the loneliness? She could feel her hopes rising despite her best efforts to be rational and cautious.

That growing hope is what caused her to use her fading strength to nod. She tried not to react badly to Gwaine’s touch, but a month of daily beatings and defilement had a way of forcing you to act without thinking. She was shaking in fear, pain, and weariness.

“Shh… It's alright Merlin. I have you. You’re safe. I won’t let anyone hurt you. Shh.” She wanted to cry in relief, but she was too dehydrated to form the tears. 

As she felt Gwaine wrap his arms around her shaking frame, she allowed herself to relax and trust him. They felt like fire against her cold skin. That heat and his words of comfort and safety allowed her to fully trust him enough to stop fighting her exhaustion, falling asleep in her brother’s protective arms.

~***~

When s he woke up, she was still in Gwaine’s arms, but she was in her own room. A mixture of sadness and panic ripped a quiet sob from her abused throat. She hadn’t even noticed her brother had been snoring until he stopped and hugged her tighter. As the sobs worsened, he added quiet words of comfort.

When she finally left out enough of her piled up grief from what had happened to her over the last several weeks, she hugged Gwaine back as well as she could with the limited strength she had. She shouldn’t have been surprised when he handed her a cup of water, yet she was. She took it slow and managed three cups before she began to feel nauseous. Once he was sure she was done, he started treating her wounds.

She was mostly just bruised, but her lip was split from lack of water and being backhanded daily, she had scratches from the floor and His nails from when he forced Himself on her, and then there was a bite mark on her shoulder. She would have run from the sound Gwaine made when he saw it if she had had the strength, but all she was able to do was whimper and flinch away from him. It was after that that Gwaine noticed blood and semen dried on her legs. 

“Merlin… Who… Who did that to you? I know… It wasn’t the princess or any of our group, none of them would even think of doing something like that to anyone, so I need you to tell me who did this so that no one else will be treated like you were. Can you do that?” It was clear that he was furious, but was trying to stay calm for her sake.

She tried to speak, she really did, but all that left her mouth was a rough croaking noise. She kept trying until Gwaine shushed her and pulled her into another hug. Not having the energy to do much else, Merlin leaned into the hug and cried.

In the distance, the midnight bell tolled and Gwaine pulled away. Without a word, he grabbed her travel bag and filled it with her belongings. When she realized what he was doing, she pointed out her hiding spot beneath the floorboards. In true Gwaine fashion, he didn’t even question it, he just packed them. When that was done, he helped her down to the main room where food was packed, medical supplies and potions were gathered, and blankets collected. It was clear that Gwaine did not plan on coming back. He promised to keep her safe and it was no longer safe for her in Camelot.

Merlin was too weak to walk, so Gwaine carried her. It was awkward. Most of their supplies were tied to his back while she was cradled to his chest. If it were anywhere other than Camelot, they would have been caught. It was pitiful, but it allowed them to reach the lower town without any real trouble. The hard part was yet to come. They needed to get past the city wall before dawn when Merlin’s usual meal was brought and she was found to be missing.

They would need a horse if they were going to stay ahead of a search party. If they were both able bodied, they could manage on foot, but Merlin was far from able bodied. She could barely stay seated, let alone run to stay out of the reaches of patrol of knights on horseback. The hardest part of the whole plan to steal and horse and escape was to do it without alerting the guards to their escape.

“So, my horse is worn out from the patrol, so we are going to take yours. I’d take two, just to shove it in the Princess’s face, but one horse is easier to hide than two. As long as we don’t ride her hard, she should be able to carry both of us.” Gwaine was keeping his voice low, but cheerful.

They were just outside of the stables and there was no one in sight, at least according to Gwaine. Merlin was having trouble holding her head up, so she was listening for the sound of a sick horse or a stable hand who might be spending the night with the horses. She didn’t hear anything until they were by the door. It was faint, but someone was snoring inside.

Merlin wasn’t sure where the strength to do it came from, but she managed to tug Gwaine’s shirt enough to get his attention and then tap her ear and point to the doors. She could feel her friend’s body tense when he heard the person inside. The sound was familiar to Merlin, but her head was too fuzzy to place where she knew it.

Merlin had to bite back a cry as Gwaine burst through the stable doors with his sword in one hand and Merlin held closely with the other. Merlin flinched as a figure jumped up from where they had been sleeping. The moonlight barely showed a large silhouette holding what she assumed was a pitchfork. 

“I will go through you if I have to, Mate. She did nothing to deserve what was done to her. I told the Princess I would follow him because he was better than the nobles and royals, but I was clearly wrong. I am taking her somewhere safe and I will fight you to do that.” Merlin pressed herself as much as she could to Gwaine’s chest, trying not to panic as there was a sound of metal on stone.

“I know.” Merlin recognized that voice. Percival. 

“Then you know she can’t stay here, Perc. And if I stay, I might just do something she won’t forgive.” Merlin was shaking and fighting to stay awake.

“You can’t leave- Arthur- Leon knowing. Elyan- house. - empty.” Merlin could hardly hear Percival over her pounding heart and breath rasping.

“Merlin!” That was the last thing she heard before her senses faded and she lost consciousness. 

~***~

Merlin woke to broth at her lips. Without thinking, she drank it greedily. It was the best tasting thing she could remember. Savory, smooth on her tongue, salty, and best of all, warm.

She drank too fast and some of it went the wrong way, leaving her in a fit of coughing. She hurt all over by the end and couldn’t help but cry at her own weakness. She was the most powerful magic user to ever live and yet here she was, beaten, starving, sick, hated, and powerless. She continued to cry as warm arms wrapped around her and rocked her as she cried herself to sleep.

~***~

It became a pattern. She would start to wake up and she would be given broth, porridge, soup, stew, mashed fruit, or something to drink. She usually fell right back to sleep, usually without ever having opened her eyes, but occasionally she would get emotional and end up in a hug as she cried herself out or she reached for the privy pot to use as it was intended or to vomit into. As time passed, the latter began to happen more often than not. Especially when she saw the anger on Percival’s face as he watched from the other side of the room.

She knew this wasn’t a good thing. Gwaine probably thought she was ill from eating too much after so little for so long and she couldn’t even begin to imagine what Percival thought of it all. She should tell them about the baby, because that was what it was, but then she would have to talk about Him or talk at all. Speaking hurt still after all this time, not that she knew how long she had been free, so she avoided it.

So to avoid that, she tried remedies Gaius gave other mothers-to-be to help with the vomiting when she had the energy to get out of the bed, which wasn’t very often. Mint and dry bread helped, but oddly, it was the goat’s milk that worked the best. She also had more energy after drinking it. She wasn’t sure where the milk came from, but she wasn’t going to look that gift horse in the mouth.

~***~

“You are going to be a mother.” Merlin felt like her breath was knocked out of her at Percival’s words.

She looked up to meet his eyes and saw only sadness where the anger had been before. She was still scared that he would take her back to Him, but that fear wasn’t as deep as it had been before she had locked eyes with him. She could almost believe he was still her friend.

“It happened in the dungeon.” Merlin’s breath became rapid and her eyes widened in horror.

Before she knew it, Percival was right in front of her. She was still weak, but she was strong enough to push him back, run into the back of the house, and hide under cot. She knew he could hear her harsh breathing, but she was too panicked to even try being quiet. All she could think about was Him touching her, hurting her.

When Percival didn’t follow her, her panic started to die down. All that movement and emotions left her exhausted down to her very bones. Not having the strength to crawl out from her hiding spot, she shifted into a less uncomfortable position and let herself fall to sleep.

~***~

When she woke up, it was with a start, causing her to hit her head into the back edge of the cot. The pain in her head cleared all memory of her dream and reminded her of why she was under there. Percival knew.

Oddly, she didn’t feel scared about that anymore. She had been terrified when she found out he knew, but now, she felt peace. It was so similar to when Lancelot found out about her magic. She panicked at first, but then it became her greatest source of comfort. By not following her into the back room, Percival had shown her, in his own way, that he was there for her and he wasn’t going to let her be hurt. She didn’t understand how she knew it, it was just one of those gut feelings she had learned to trust over the years. With that in mind, Merlin slowly pulled her emasculated body out from under the cot and slowly made her way back to the main room.

She saw it was still dark outside of the curtained windows, so she hadn’t been asleep long. Percival was by the fire stirring the pot of stew with one hand and lifting the smaller pot of steaming water from the flames with the other. She watched as he placed mint and lavender sprigs into her cup and carefully poured the hot water in over them. 

She saw him glance behind, seeming to have noticed her entrance. After a short while, he added a small amount of honey, stirring it in with the tough stem of the lavender. Once he deemed it combined, he removed the herbs from the tea.

Percival then slowly walked towards her, cup in hand being careful to not frighten her. Merlin smiled gently, her first smile in what seemed like ages and gingerly accepted the drink. She took gentle sips and was pleasantly surprised at how soothing the honey felt when it went down her aching throat which was sore from all her vomiting and screaming. Finishing the minty drink she handed the cup back to Percival and whispered a quiet "thanks". 

Percival put the cup away and slowly came back to sit next to her, clearly giving her the chance to flee if she wished. Merlin, although clearly still exhausted, was determined not to sleep, as whenever she did she was plagued by night terrors, many about her child and Arthur's reaction to finding out, others about Arthur sentencing her to burn for her magic. Her magic that was gone to protect the life she never wanted to create. She frowned thinking whether Percival would reject her as well, thinking about how nice he seemed at the moment but when the time comes, would he choose his position and uphold his allegiance as a knight to his king or will he remain on her side, the side of a witch baring a child conceived out of wedlock, a byblow of His. 

Quietly, as not to be heard, she whispered in her rough, deep, damaged voice, "I wish I could be rid of this child. All it is doing is bringing me more misery." Apparently she wasn't as quiet as she had thought as Percival sternly but softly said "Having a child is a wonderful thing, Merlin. Don't let your current situation affect your thoughts negatively". She looked up at Percival and it was at that moment that she realized that he would do anything to protect her and her unborn child.

“It is not the baby itself, but why it is here. How…” She burst into tears as the memories of His hands on her, Him sheathing himself in her, His words and touches hurting her in so many ways.

When Percival’s arms brushed hers, she flinched. But when he started whispering words of comfort, she used her limited energy to cling to him like she used to do with her mother when she was small and frightened. She felt safer there, wrapped up in the arms of someone who cared.

~***~

“Did I ever tell you how Lancelot and I met?” Merlin found that more she used her voice, the less her throat seemed to hurt, so she talked about her past with Percival when he was with her and funny stories about Gaius with Gwaine.

“No, but he told me.” Percival wasn’t a big talker, so she wasn’t surprised by his terseness.

“I had wished he hadn’t felt the need to leave, but he brought you back, so I am happy that something good came from him being banished.” She accepted the bowl of porridge from the knight and started eating it.

“Did he tell you how he found me?” Merlin shook her head since her mouth was full of food at that moment.

“I lived on the edge of Cenred’s kingdom, near Olaf’s land. The mountains were the border and we were in the foothills. The king only cared about collecting taxes from us and gathering the magic users that hid in the caves above us.” Merlin continued to eat as she saw her friend relive his memories.

“I was married. She was the daughter of a druid and farmer. We were expecting our second daughter when the knights came. Anne was nearly due and Mary was crawling around the room. We were used to them coming and raiding the caves and demanding taxes, but this time was different.” Percival’s voice was so sad that Merlin looked up to see the tears falling down his face.

“The king’s witch had come and was looking for children with magic. She set several villagers on fire for getting in her way, including Anne. Mary was a seer. She was missing her legs, but she could see storms approaching, fires that could kill if not watched closely. We had found her abandoned in the rocks right after we were wed. And I could do nothing as Cenred had her killed for telling him of his death.” Merlin felt sick at the thought of that happening in front of Percival.

“Our daughter was born later the same day, but died hours later. Anne died in my arms two days later. The burns and losing our children was too much. There was no one left in our village after that. They either fled to a new village or hid in the mountains. I took the sword and mail from one of Cenred’s men that the witch had killed and set off to kill the king. Lancelot found me a week later in a fight with a patrol.” A slight smile crept onto his wet face.

“He told me stories about Camelot. About you, Gwen, Arthur. So when you asked for his help with taking back Camelot from Cenred and his witch, I was packed before he could even ask me if I wanted to join him. You are like a sister and I would die for my family. I could not protect my family then, but I can protect you now.” Merlin didn't even know she was crying until he started wiping away her tears.

“Thank you.” was all she could bring herself to say as she wrapped her arms around his waist. It was as much for her comfort as his. That was how Gwaine found them that evening when he took his turn keeping her company.

~***~

Things got better after that. Merlin was sick less, ate more, was healing, and regaining her strength. It had been months since Gwaine had rescued her from the dungeons and Him. She still couldn’t make herself even think of His name, let alone say it out loud. Percival wanted to know who her baby’s father was, but he seemed to know better than to ask. The closest he had come was offering to find the child a loving home in one of the villages and away from it’s sire. 

That hadn’t gone well at all. She knew that was how he had gotten his first child, but the idea of giving up another part of herself had made her hostile and harsh when he mentioned the possibility. At that moment, she realized she would protect the child every bit as attentive as she had the king before all of this had happened.

Percival seemed to understand and had never mentioned it again. Instead, he told her about the continued search for her by the council and how Arthur had two of the round table knights guarding him at all times. In a way, Merlin had known that considering Gwaine told stories about wanting to kick Arthur’s sleeping arse for what he had done and how the ‘Princess’ seemed sad and more tired as the weeks progressed. The best news Merlin had heard was that Princess Mithian was due to visit in a fortnight and that no one had noticed when Percival had swiped her a dress and a hair cover. 

Both knights swore that she looked nothing like her previous self. Her hair was thicker and wild in a way they hadn’t known was possible, her eyes had darkened to a deep blue-ish gray, her skin was rosy and not at all pale, likely due to her sleeping with the sun on her face, she no longer slumped her shoulders and stood to her true height of 6 foot, her body was no longer slim and strong but thin with a puffier face than before. All together, she was a new person who only vaguely resembled the old Merlin. And with the dress and hair wrap, she could likely walk freely in the city by that time.

~***~

Merlin w as surprised how long it took Gwaine to put the pieces together. He had seen what had happened to her, but he never seemed to think about what it could have caused. The tiredness and vomiting could be attributed to her treatment in the cells, the weight gain could be from how much she was eating, even if it was settling in the face, chest, and waist. The hair could have changed given she had taken only two full baths since her escape and no longer had the brush she used to use. The eyes changed due to the lack of light in the cell followed by constant sunbathing. There were reasons for everything, but being with child never seemed to have crossed the knight’s mind.

The princess was due to arrive at midday and Merlin wanted to come into the city with the crowd that always followed visiting nobles and royals from the countryside into the city. She had been getting ready to leave the city through the siege tunnels when she had felt the fluttery feeling in her belly. She hadn’t thought about Gwaine not knowing about the baby as she smiled and gently rubbed her slightly raised abdomen.

It was the growl that made her look up at her friend. His face was red with anger and had that look that he had worn when she had insulted him as Dragoon. For a moment, Merlin was scared of the knight who had rescued her from her torture and confinement.

Merlin was getting ready to flee when she heard Percival’s footsteps approaching. He was supposed to be waiting at the entrance to the tunnels, so either something was wrong, or it had taken Merlin more time than she thought to get ready for her first day out since her magic was discovered. But just knowing that Percival was nearby to protect her baby allowed Merlin to calm down, but not enough to chase away her fear of Gwaine’s wrath.

Percival opened the door and peered in, allowing the light of dawn to pour into the room. He looked at the two of them and quickly got in between the two of them. Merlin wanted to fall into the large knight’s arms and cry, but she squared her shoulders and stood tall with her arms over the tiny baby bulge instead.

“Gwaine. Calm down. You are scaring her.” Percival sounded like he was trying to sooth a spooked horse rather than an enraged knight.

“If it is yours, I will kill you. If it is that monster’s, the Princess and that beast are dead.” Gwaine’s voice had a feral tone to it.

Relief flooded Merlin and worry for Arthur formed in its place. She had trusted Arthur and he had locked her up without letting her explain herself. She tried to be mad at him for it, but she could not blame him, given how Uther had raised him.

“It is not mine. You know I would never have done anything to Merlin, Gwaine.” Percival’s voice was soft and disarming.

“Then it is his. I’ll kill him! All this time! I thought the food we were giving you was too rich after what happened! Is that thing the reason you have been so tired, even after all this time?” Not waiting for a response, Gwaine turned sharply and flipped over the oak table, scattering the dirty breakfast dishes that had been on it.

Merlin jumped at the sudden movement and sound and clung to Percival’s back fighting back sobs. She was shaking with fear. She did not want this! If she had been more careful Gwaine wouldn’t be so angry right now. It was all her fault! At that thought, she burst into tears and fought to draw breath as her panic rose.

Merlin felt Percival’s arms around her and his hands over her ears right before he yelled, “GWAINE STOP!” Merlin did not see what happened next, her face was pressed into Percival’s shirt, but she could hear as Gwaine stormed out of the house.

“It is alright Merlin. Hey, take a deep breath. There you go.” Merlin listened to his continued comfort as her body let her fear go.

She was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep, but today was her chance to leave the house and walk freely! She needed that freedom! After all that she had been though, she deserved the chance to- Her thoughts were interrupted by the fluttery feeling of her baby moving inside her. And just like that, she crumpled and cried freely. 

If Gwaine could react like that, how could her child have a life here? Was she going to have to hide them both for the rest of her life? She would never wish her own childhood on anyone, and her child’s would be even worse. Maybe it was better for everyone if she gave it up, but if it inherited her magic, she was the only one who could protect the babe. 

She refused to think about ending the baby’s life before it even began. That was not even an option. It was her reason for going on, her new purpose. Without it, she was better off waiting in that cell to die. Her magic had known that from the beginning, but it always knew things before she did, it was magic.

“Do you want to sleep or do you want to go on with our plan? He will calm down. He always does.” His words seemed to trigger something within her and her misery was easily pushed aside.

She had been more tired than this and still done a full day’s work for Arthur, participated in training, and hunted down the newest threat to her king. She had taken down Kilgharrah after losing her father that she had only just started to get to know. She could stop crying, clean herself up, and enjoy her limited freedom. She wasn’t going to let this stop her. She looked up at her large friend and gave a slight smile. 

“I have missed the forest.” Percival smiled back at her and pulled her to her feet. 

~***~

Merlin felt infinitely better once she was outside of the city walls. The fresh air and nature sound soothed hurts she had forgotten she had and filled her with purpose. She could feel the magic of the land and it felt as though it was wrapping itself around her, almost like a loving hug.

She was so caught up in that feeling that she missed the sound of the horses approaching until it was too late to hide before they were in sight. She was not sure who would be on the horses. It could be knights patrolling the area before the Princess’s arrival, forerunners from the Princess, Arthur and Gwen spending some time together before they needed to entertain guests, or it could be the Princess herself with her guards. All Merlin knew was that attempting to hide now would end up with her being stopped and questioned, and she could not afford that.

Instead of fleeing, Merlin knelt by the path and started to gather bits of wood. Twigs and small branches mostly. It would be a common enough task that most of the people of the lower town did to keep their fires going to cook their meals. It was a task usually left to children, but young mothers and new wives were known to do it too, so she should not stand out too much. She barely had any wood, only a handful of kindling, in her arms before the riders came into sight.

It was Elyan and a group of six other riders, all of which were wearing family tabards. They were either knights in training, or they were noblemen’s sons sent to see how Camelot manages its defenses. While Merlin recognized a few of the family crests, she did not see any familiar faces. That meant only Elyan was a possible issue. 

If he recognized her, three things could happen. One, he could drag her back to her cell and likely her death. Two, he could let her go, he had less against magic than most of the knights after all of his travels. Or three, he could kill her where she stood. She was torn on which she would rather he do if he did recognize her. Taking her back would fulfil his duty, but then she was back in the hands of Him until she was put to death. Letting her go would mean betraying his oath to his King and to Camelot, despite the fact she would still be free, she did not like the idea. Killing her on the spot would be a mercy if it was not for the fact they had treated each other like siblings since she helped Arthur and Gwen rescue him from Morgause and Cenred.

Luckily for her, he did not seem to recognize her when he got off his horse and helped her break down and gather some of the larger pieces of wood. She could tell he knew she was with child the way he kept looking at her belly with pitying eyes as he tied the bundle of wood together with some twine he had. He even smiled sadly at her when she thanked him with her rough new voice. Once the group was out of sight, Merlin found a fallen tree and sat on it as she allowed her racing heart to slow.

It had not truly dawned on her how different she was from the maid she used to be. She had been very close to Elyan over the years. He was the only person she told about finding her father only to lose him. He was the one who helped her with her chores when he had extra time. And yet he had not known it was her when he had been right beside her. 

Before she knew it, she was crying. What was she going to do? She would not be able to raise her child in Camelot even if no one recognized her. But where else could she go? She would never endanger her mother by returning home only to have Arthur hunt her down, she could not raise a baby in Kilgharah’s lair in the mountains, Gwaine had a sister somewhere, but those two despised each other, and all of Percival’s family was dead. So where else could she go?

As the energy of the forest wrapped itself around her, she felt her sorrow melt away and her peace return. She could start a completely new life, in a new place. She was not a pawn bound to the will of another person. She could build that house by the lake at the foot of the mountains and live off the land and raise her child and a cow. 

And just like that, she felt a huge weight lifted from her back. Merlin got up from her log and started looking for herbs with a smile on her face and a heart as light as a cloud. She was a new person who could do the things she enjoyed. 

~***~

Merlin lost track of the time and it was soon time to join the crowd following the princess into the city.


End file.
